If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
now i know why i became what i already was.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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