she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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