the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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