I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
