Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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