one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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