Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
