Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize