I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
