The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
operation have a gay friend backfired
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
