i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
