so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
