Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
