At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
