Screwed.edu
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
