I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
