Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
