Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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