Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
