So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
