My room smells like vodka and shame
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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