gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
