I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
