One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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