I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
