Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
