I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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