it wasn't lemon gatorade
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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