There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
