I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
is that a dick in a sweater?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
