you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
