you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize