There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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