im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize