He disabled his match.com account in front of me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
sarcasm needs its own font
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
