you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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