Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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