I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
