One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize