You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
