life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
