I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
