I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize