You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
