Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
