we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
