Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
