just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
