absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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