In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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