He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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