I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
