Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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