so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
