Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
