i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think I am morally bankrupt
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im holly from the hills drunk
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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