he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
