So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
