She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
