When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
