her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She has the best kind of daddy issues
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
