I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
porn star boner night. come get it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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