please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Tornado booty call.. dedication
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
