Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
