he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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