we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
