I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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