All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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