Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
