Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
True strength comes from lack of pants
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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