my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
