I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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