fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's blow job season.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
