I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize