We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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