got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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