took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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