this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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