I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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