Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
