Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
