So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
