She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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