please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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