return my video game
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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