toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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