This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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