you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
